Father of Delight #1

Fathering is pure joy to me. It’s who I am and how I am, made in the Father’s image to generate new life and tend to it.

To tend to him or her, in particular. Therein, the joy: to look upon and seek to care in particular ways for the unique being before me, unrepeatable, utterly remarkable, full of treasure yet to be mined…

To have a hand in creating and coaxing out that treasure is pure gift. And responsibility –– a weighty one. Here I refer to my four biological children. Though I like you contribute to the growth of many of God’s children, I will draw upon my history of biological parenting. 

Father is a Child

By ‘child,’ I don’t mean that this ‘Daddy’ is full of whimsy. I just mean that the integrity of my fathering is based upon my being fathered by God and His friends. I’ve a Father who fought for me from the beginning of time; He wouldn’t let me lay down long in my sin and misidentifications. Through many faithful ones, He showed me Himself from whom I derive my sonship. And ultimately a sustaining grace to father well.

Grace is a good word because I squarely believe that my fight for the integrity of my children is based on His fight for me. The clarity of the Father’s love broke through persistent shadows over my manhood and freed me to be true to who I am: a man in good standing who can make and keep his commitment to a woman and the fruit of our love.

Father Loves Mother

More than anything else, the respectful love between parents is the wellspring from which love flows consistently to children. Kids become secure in love through marital integrity.

My children derived good meaning from the fact that Annette and I process our lives together out loud, usually not in shouts and tears (though not above either) but in earthy communion, always a work in progress.

Mom and Dad have minds (and words) of their own through which we work out compromises and express care. Above all, we convey respect. We are a united front based on difference: voila, our kids get a good glimpse of the dance of male and female; it helps them trust that God’s image in humanity (man for woman, woman for man) is good. A healthy marriage also fortifies each child’s early confidence in his or her own gift of self.

Father is a Brother

I am a good man; I am a weak man. My sexual brokenness ran deep, not as deep as the Father’s unfailing love, but deep enough to warrant humble reliance upon well-chosen brothers with whom to walk free and stay free from unrealities like porn, isolation, hopelessness, and unhealthy friendships.

To be free to father means freedom from childish things that set in motion spiritual and psychological darkness that puts kids at risk. The Father made this clear to me during Annette’s first pregnancy: as a result, no shadows, no secrets, and no lies greeted Gregory Drew Comiskey’s entry into the world.

Father Lives Faith

I had an amazing conversation with one of my sons the other day. He is working out his life thoughtfully. I urged him to tell me how he viewed his growing up and what did or did not contribute to health, especially in his faith.

He was honest about some hard stuff I didn’t know about (always painful for a parent but also fair: kids have a right to a world that excludes you), and we talked about that.

I feared the strength of his parents’ faith may have been too much. More than anything, Annette and I wanted our kids to see something real about our reliance on this unseen God. We were most concerned about our kids choosing to follow Jesus, knowing we couldn’t make them.

‘Yeah, you guys were pretty intense but what mattered most is that you lived what you believed. You guys loved Jesus and you lived like that.’

My son hates hypocrisy and wants to live true. I think Annette and I helped by living true. That doesn’t mean perfectly. It means working out life in an imperfect church with fickle friends and the occasional enemy. (We had some noisy ones.)

And here we are still: raising hands in prayer and praise, shouting out Easter and Christmas devotionals at noisy family gatherings, laughing at our foolishness, thanking Him at every turn. My advice to parents who want their kids to come around to Jesus? Don’t pontificate; just live like Jesus and friends are the best thing going, especially when it’s hard.

After all, our kids need to get saved, just like we did: over and over.   

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