Burn the Wound

Can wounds make us more whole? Hope so. An exhaustive account of the IHOP-KC mess is in vain unless we allow its findings to change us. For good.

Firefly, an aptly named independent investigative report on Bickle and company, summarizes many voices alleging abusive misconduct in the house Bickle built. Here are the conclusions from this 68-page document.  

Don’t read this instead of your devotional. Not for the faint of heart. Firefly’s dispassionate account of sin-sickness will make you sick. I thought I had healed from the ‘Bickle’ wound, but its bloody gift keeps on giving. It reminds me of cauterization, a painful and deliberate burning of a wound to prevent its reinfection.

Firefly affects a slow burn of a wound, now familiar. As I drive by the empty IHOP-KC buildings around our offices, I lash out angrily at individual faces, including my own, for not seeing things rightly. We are all cowards in a way, opting for the status quo. We want to prophesy pleasant things; we’d rather be sustained than be stoned. Real prophets don’t stand much of a chance.   

I want this wound to make me more whole. Keep burning it, Jesus. Here are a few reflections in my new season of cauterization.

Mike was untouchable. He gave the appearance of having transcended his own humanity. I observed him as asexual, one whom God uniquely set apart to pray and fast and see for us the bigger picture.

Closest staff gave Mike a pass. (I wasn’t among them; I left after a brief tenure when I discovered Mike was incapable of disciplining sexually immoral staff. I now see why.) His gifting tempted most to not question his lack of normal. Staff reframed his penchant for lithe young songbirds as ‘fatherly.’ When he walked naked out of the shower, they looked away. Weird glimpses of Mike in his man cave, a woman at his feet bearing essential oils, couldn’t be THAT.  

Burn the wound. I know many who looked at him as a paragon of integrity. Feel the sting. Mike’s good human needs for friendship, belonging, and proper touch never got integrated.

Mike possessed deep, unmet needs that he stewarded in darkness. ‘Discipleship’ then became a string of adulterous father/daughter friendships where he lavished time and money and attention and got a little on the side. Both Tammy and Deborah had decades-long friendship with him. Like Bill Clinton, Mike bought the lie that ‘he never had sex with that woman,’ meaning only intercourse counts as sin. Anything else was excusable.

Burn the wound. Own your own humanity. Talk to God and others about your inner longings and desires. Your motives aren’t as pure as you think. Surrender vulnerable ‘kingdom’ friendships to trusted ones who help you live clean at core and stay within reasonable boundaries.

Own your sexual humanity, your powers of life and love. Don’t confine sexual wholeness to refusing extramarital intercourse. Parochial and, frankly, stupid.

Get help. Burn the wound. And burn up any way you covered others’ unrepentance cause you didn’t want to be exposed. Be gentle with others and gently seek mercy where you need it.   

Burn up pride. IHOP-KC had a subtle arrogance. Still does. 24/7 prayer continues there; its players hardened to the fact that its founders have never owned wicked, cowardly stuff. And probably never will. Mike’s whole shtick is “I won’t defend myself,’ meaning only God defends me. Holy dodge, a misuse of Christ-likeness. Mike, answer your accusers. Unlike Jesus, who was God, you aren’t. Take responsibility as a gifted, deeply flawed guy who blessed and messed a lot of people up.

I pray, too, for the victims of IHOP-KC’s abusive behavior. Firefly doesn’t distinguish between different types and levels of abuse—not its purpose. Pray for those adults who participated for years in a corrupt system. In order for them to heal, they must reckon profoundly with its impact and also their regrets of having drank too long at that well.

Accepting adult responsibility isn’t about a 50-50 or even a 90-10 equation. It’s about healing. And that can only happen if one owns his or her adult agency. To grow out of victimhood, burn the wound. No other way to heal.

Become a whole survivor. Only if one owns his or her vulnerability to ‘power’ and its benefits can one forego old patterns in a new community. Receive mercy where you need it. Let the fire of Love illumine you. Get wisdom. Good exposure (like Firefly) of bad stuff helps us only if it disinfects us, helps us to heal.

Burn the wound. Let the IHOP-KC mess make us more whole.    

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