Aliens in America: Day 39
Quick to Listen, Slow to Speak
‘As aliens, live in reverent fear’ (1 Pet. 1:17).
Andy has described our family as bombastic; I prefer highly spirited, but you probably get the idea. We Comiskeys are an opinionated bunch. One Christmas Eve, we were having a noisy discussion (Andy, me, and our four adult kids). Andy looked over at our three introverted daughters-in-law, not saying a word, listening and looking at us reservedly (and slightly annoyed).
Peter’s words to us aliens apply pointedly to Christian families navigating a host of opinions, temperaments, and styles of expression: ‘So now you must show sincere love to each other…Love each other deeply with all your heart’ (1 Pet. 1:22).
As we approach Thanksgiving, I’m aware that ‘pass the brussels sprouts’ may be more energized in this election season. We each come to the table with differing views. For the most part, I would say our family is moderate. I’m the most conservative, Andy is in the middle, and the four kids are more progressive than us, depending on the issue.
In truth, I’m a very political person; I have always viewed my role in Desert Stream as a campaign manager helping Andy run for the Senate. Ironically, I dislike talking politics, but this year, I think it’s going to be an inevitable ‘kitchen table discussion.’ How to approach it?
I try to put relationships before labels. Democrat or Republican pale in comparison to son, daughter, or sister. Who we are to each other is more important than personal opinions. For example, Katie and I have very different views on the January 6th protest, but it hasn’t hurt our relationship. We can truly agree to disagree, refine each other respectfully, and move forward.
Maybe this is easier for me because Andy and I have been swimming upstream for over 44 years. Our views on sexuality and transformation are often polarizing to church and world (maybe for different reasons now than in 1980!)
One thing I know: anger and judgment never convinced anyone that their choices defy biblical truth. I persuade better by listening with kindness and interest in another’s thoughts before I share anything.
Many years ago, I was serving in my church alongside a woman who had a ‘gay-identified’ son. She fully embraced him and his partner in all family activities without any apparent conflict. As I got to know her, I began to share how growing up with a ‘gay’ brother impacted my family.
She remarked that I was the only person who had ever invited her to look at things differently without her feeling demeaned.
It isn’t easy. But Jesus has asked me to walk the narrow way, standing in truth but expressed in the spirit of James: ‘quick to listen, slow to speak and anger’ (Js. 1:19). I try to keep hearts open to me by showing grace, believing the best about a person (even if another is unreasonable).
Family and friends matter more than real differences. I value the table of our unity in love and make every effort, when wise and possible, to gather there.
As I look ahead to our Thanksgiving table with an assortment of 30 relatives and friends, I will see each as one I deeply love. I refuse to categorize any as an ‘ever’ or ‘never’ Trumper. As my born and bred Appalachian father said: ‘You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.’
‘Jesus, You are honey to our hearts. Your deep and patient love won us over. Grant us a similar love for those with whom we disagree. Take us deeper in Your love for each as we gather at table this Thanksgiving. We’ve more that unites us than what divides us.’
‘Jesus, You are the King, and we are first citizens of Your Kingdom. Would you free us for You in this election season, not to hide but to shine? You’ve always asked nothing less from Your elect whom You have made ‘strangers in a strange land’ (Ex. 2:22). Here we are, a people who don’t know what to do but who look and listen to our King.
“Father of all holiness,
guide our hearts to You.
Keep in the light of Your Truth
all those You have freed from the darkness of unbelief.
We ask this through our Lord Jesus Christ, Your Son.”’
Amen
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