Activate the Gift You Are

‘God endows our bodily longing for communion with His reordering Presence. There lies our hope for wholeness, for becoming an integrated “gift” whose offering makes others more beautiful.’

Rediscovering Our Lost Fullness 

Lean dark mornings in Lent are lit up by prayers for my family: I well up with affection for them as I implore the Lord to release each one in areas of frustration or affliction.

Every member is a gift to me as I have sought to be a gift to them. I can’t help it! God made me to father and to husband. I was born to become generative: focused and faithful to one woman and the kids we co-created. That, to me, is the essence of chastity.

Endowed with Jesus’ merciful help, we can reclaim this most personal stream of life and love from its meandering. And redirect it fruitfully, whether one’s starting point is same-sex attraction or good old traditional lust. 

I love how the catechism implores us ‘to unite our bodily and spiritual being’ and so become whole, or integrated (#2337). Well, I’ve a body that tells me the truth of the sexual trajectory He made me for—to grow into a person who can court and spark and sustain loving communion with one on behalf of many. And my spirituality? Merciful Jesus, who loves me mightily according to my profound need for Him and my responsibility to others. 

I may feel many things: insecurity, lust (either sex will do), shame. None of those determine my sexual direction. He does. In the Spirit of Imago Dei (made in His image, male and female), I re-center on how the catechism and Bible define me, a man whose happiness hinges on ‘accepting’ how I ‘morally, physically, and spiritually complement’ woman. My difference from her invites me constantly into the dance of self-giving and discovery (CCC #2333).

It's not that complicated. Sure, we get wounded differently. Broken masculinity can be as invitational to women as jagged pieces of glass, and many young men stall at virtual game-playing (including porn), bypassing real women altogether.

Thank God for redemption! A young woman in our local Living Waters group had turned to female peers in her disgust with men. She found at the Cross level ground to lay down a predator who had stalked her as a teen. She knew she had to leave him there if she wanted to see men aright. It took a couple years, but she lamented much and laid him down at the Cross through many acts of forgiveness until she was free. She is today: a gift, full of joy, in her smart, strong womanhood. 

In my early days of dating Annette, Leanne Payne came to my rescue with her profound insights regarding sexual disintegration and healing. Her description of Matthew in The Broken Image, who struggled to make sense of his longing for completion in same-sex ideation, opened my eyes. I began to see how masculine insecurities drove ‘gay’ nonsense to the point of tipping into porn or dangerous friendships.

Helpful! I asked Jesus, a couple friends, and a good therapist to help me read my longing and seek the fortifying I needed. With truth, grace, and effort, I became a man who could forego unreality and become a ‘whole-enough’ gift to Annette.

Thank you, Leanne. Thank you, Jesus. Thanks, Annette, for your patience and four great kids and even more grandkids. Reality wins. Wherever you are today, as long as you have breath, activate! You have just begun to offer your gift.