A Woman's Consent

Amid the week celebrating one woman’s consent to bring forth our Savior, I took a deep dive into a film exploring another woman’s ‘yes’ to her desire.

The movie Babygirl looks at the morality of ‘consent’ after a decade of #MeToo and cancel culture. Does a woman’s ‘yes’ to her own degradation justify it? Writer/director Halina Reijn thinks so and employs a slightly idealized version of herself in Nicole Kidman ‘to tell a cautionary tale of what happens when one suppresses her own desires.’ Reijn describes her film as an effort to work out ‘extreme confusion and shame about her sexuality and body.’

I’m not familiar with Reijn, but I like what I know about Nicole Kidman. She appears to be a committed mom and wife, a Catholic, and a seriously hardworking actor who favors edgy projects over her faith.

In Babygirl, Kidman explores her longing to be dominated by men, thoughts her character Romy describes as ‘dark and disgusting and monstrous’ and, well, just who she is.

Romy wants to be mastered. The guy she allows to dominate her is a young man with the power to calm down an aggressive dog; the two meet as he calls Fido off her on a city street. Babygirl explores Romy’s consent into descent—to becoming that beast who welcomes his control.  Her last sexual gasp is fueled by a fantasy of herself as that dog.    

Ok weird. But we are all capable of monstrous desires, and many, like me, have acted them out like animals. Thank God for one woman’s consent!

St. Paul says it like this: ‘When we were kids, we were all slaves to something. But God chose this woman, Mary, who brought forth Jesus to give us the privilege of becoming children of His Father. He gives us His Spirit of sonship so when we are on the verge of descending (yet again) into lesser selves, we can cry out from our deepest place: Father! We don’t have to be slaves to anything or anyone anymore’ (Gal. 4:7-9).

Slaves no more. I am grateful for Mary’s consent. That bride wore boots! She’s fierce, smashing every deception. Poet Denise Levertov says this of her: ‘We are told of meek obedience. No one mentions courage. The engendering Spirit did not enter her without consent. God waited. She was free to accept or refuse, choices integral to humanness.’

Mary’s brave ‘yes’ frees us to say ‘yes’ to our truest selves as children of the Father. Even in weak moments, disordered desire needn’t drive, define, or deride us. One greater lives in us. Together, we cry out ‘Abba’ and ascend into dignity amid many choices to the contrary.

Today is Mary’s Day in the Catholic Church. Surrounded by those who say ‘yes’ to bringing forth the Savior in the spirit of one who did just that, we pray for 2025 to be a year of freedom from slavery and freedom for others.

Babygirl wants something else. In Reijn’s words, the film helps each ‘to be true to the beast inside you, to be more at ease with the darkness.’ As that haggard notion unraveled before my eyes, I understood the toll it takes to be faithful to one’s demons. Kidman’s naked beauty—on full display—did not charm. It was alarming. How could a woman of such stature submit to be filmed as a slave to male domination? At times Kidman appeared dissociative, as trapped by her ‘master’ as by the camera itself.   

Reijn and Kidman exchanged their souls for ‘art.’ They gained the world.

Such brave consent, declare the critics! Another Oscar for Nicole! Does that compensate for her children now being subject to a mother who humiliated herself in dehumanizing acts for the world to see at will, over and over again? The celebrities who wore ‘little girl’ sex-wear to the premiere of Babygirl? Demonized guys who finally feel vindicated by the lie that all women want to be dominated and demeaned?  

Consent is costly. Jesus, look not on our sins but on the faith of Your Church. Mary, Mother of God, pray for us.