Tag Archives: St. john Paul 11

A Christian Voice In A Changing Culture

Polish Spring

‘See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come.’ (SS 2:11, 12)

Amid abuse and cover-up, confusion from Pope Francis regarding homosexuality and Irish citizens overturning their abortion ban, the Spirit of Pentecost enveloped a hundred of us in Krakow Poland who gathered for our second Living Waters Training there.

We couldn’t stop singing, and the Spirit kept raining on us as we offered our brokenness to the Crucified in tears and joy. Surrounding our songs was a chorus of birds that worshipped day and night in huge trees that flanked us on every side.

Trainings are just that: arduous, messy, shame and glory, revelation amid hard reality. Why now after seven 16-hour-days am I refreshed? All I know is that I was buoyed, as if I caught a current of the Kingdom and knew intuitively how to navigate the waters. Extraordinary.

It is easy for an outsider to idealize this land of St. John Paul ll and St. Faustina. Traditional values are evident (Poland is not sympathetic to ‘reproductive rights’ and LGBT+ aspirations) and create a kind of moral clarity not evident in America or Western Europe. The Church here is cohesive, a national rallying point amid devastating historic batterings. To many Poles, Jesus through His Mother (Church) sustained the nation’s hope and dignity throughout centuries.

Yet good ethics and history can become prison bars unless the Spirit liberates wounded lives. The Poles may be clearer in their devotion to Christ than many Europeans today but they are no less broken by their bloody history, which gave rise to deep patterns of family disorder, including disordered church dynamics.

For these reasons, I take heart that many Poles are facing their wounds forthrightly with each other. I am in awe of men and women we have now walked with for three years who are different people today: joyful, not glum, with a new well-being in their gendered, bodily humanity. They no longer avoid others’ gaze. One young woman whom I first met in Lithuania couldn’t walk unassisted due to the oppression of her sin and wounds. During this training she bounded around the site, taught better than I did, and will return refreshed to her hometown to lead a Living Water group which is changing the culture of her church.

Most importantly, the nine Polish priests who attended the training taught and shared openly about their wounds and sins against chastity. They honored their office by making clear they live through the wounds of Jesus discovered in His broken merciful members. They released deep drafts of mercy for all of us. We exhausted them and each other in laying bare our need for ongoing conversion.

Wearied in doing well, we welcomed the Spirit’s refreshment. He is accomplishing in the Polish Church what we can only hope for. A Polish Spring, welling up with song in the Spirit of Pentecost: He will have His way with His Church.

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Human Beauty, Divine Mercy

St. John Paul ll said that we discover our true selves only by sincerely giving ourselves to others. We the fallen know also that we can offer ourselves badly; we grasp, we grope, we withhold. To bridge the gap between the original beauty of God’s purposes for our sexuality and the brokenness we behold today, we need divine mercy.

How blessed am I to have served the saints in both Lithuania and Poland, two lands which have ‘housed’ and honored St. John Paul ll and St. Faustina Kowalska, who 80 years ago received from the Spirit the image of Jesus releasing blood and water for us as the sign and seal of God’s all-surpassing mercy.

I was honored to join with Vilma and her group of amazing Living Waters leaders in Lithuania; we started our time there in Vilnius, home of the Chapel of Divine Mercy which houses the painting of the original image St. Faustina received from God. While we prayed, I ‘sensed’ that the water levels of God’s mercy were rising from the small chapel (in the spirit of Ezekiel 47) and beginning to flow onto the main street then throughout Lithuania.

My hunch proved correct as we gathered with remarkable ‘lay’ healers, bishops, and priests and asked Jesus to pour out His Spirit on the work of Living Waters there. I have not experienced that kind of ‘flow’ before; God strengthened me to prophesy continuously over restored ones who now offer their lives to heal the broken. Such humble beauty! Lithuania elevated my vision of the Church working in harmony to release her deep wells of mercy for afflicted ones.

The respect of St. John Paul ll resounds throughout Poland; how blessed I was to testify with the Living Waters teams there of the integration between the human body and Spirit that the pope emeritus describes beautifully in his ‘Theology of the Body.’ After I testified in Warsaw of how Jesus (through His merciful members) helped me to emerge from the disintegrating impact of homosexual lust, I discovered that St. Faustina’s niece was in the audience, rejoicing in God’s ‘living water’ for the sexually broken.

In Cracow I was honored to address a room full of priests-to-be at the seminary where St. John Paul taught (as Bishop Karl Wotyla). I had a strong sense that these men needed to be lovingly challenged to grow in their own sexual integration. They had great intellectual questions but I felt that unless they could articulate their own experience of God’s mercy as a key to chastity (a catholic word for sexual and relational wholeness), they would miss out on reaching a generation who insist on flesh-and-blood witnesses of the better way Jesus opens for us.

How privileged am I to walk in the footsteps of Jesus’ friends. I cannot recall a more demanding itinerary and the mercy that enabled me to trust Jesus every step of the way. He gives us back our beauty as we surrender to His mercy.

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November 18, 2014: Summoning the Saints

‘Leaving her water jar, the woman went back to town and said to the people, “Come see a man who told me everything I ever did…”’

A young Christian and university student, I was also fresh out of the ‘gay’ scene and grateful to Jesus and His friends for giving me an alternative. My pastors knew many young people like me. ‘Please help others,’ they implored Annette and me, while mentoring us in how to best share our stories and gather seekers for mutual support. My pastors took a risk by releasing us to serve the church. We in turn had to leave our ‘water jars’ and give ourselves away so that others might discover the riches of Jesus in His body.

That was the DNA of my young church: rousing one another to build the Bride. And who better to do so than young ones so grateful to Jesus that they want to offer themselves to His members? He honors these efforts; Jesus certainly magnified our little offering! As men and women received healing in our small groups, we invested in them and they became healers in their own right. God increased their healing as they offered themselves to others.

Because we did everything as a group, no one person had to bear the weight of another’s brokenness. Jesus did, through His Spirit, by releasing a variety of gifts. As wounded healer, we actually created a healing community; we encouraged one another through ongoing training and cyclical opportunities to lead healing groups together. In so doing, we increased our involvement in the life of the greater church. We fulfilled an aspect of St. Paul’s exhortation ‘to prepare God’s people for works of service so that the body of Christ may be built up…’ (Eph. 4:12)

We continue to train lay persons to run these groups. ‘Living Waters’ now flow throughout the world, in nearly every denomination. The local churches need such service for her sexually broken. And just as much, persons whose shame has been turned to glory need the dignity of becoming useful in the restoration of other lives. Without Jesus and His friends, these wounded healers would have been left eternally homeless. Now they help create a home for others in Christ’s body.

My new church home, the Roman Catholic Church, is a deep well of wisdom, authority and abiding love. She is also seriously challenged in releasing the saints to do the work of the ministry. Her strength–providing continuity of leadership—is also her weakness. It tends to create ‘religious professionals’ to which the laity remains childishly deferential. In order to meet the needs of broken people over the long haul, we need bishops and pastors who are open to new models of pastoral care and equipping/overseeing the saints to do such care. May she forsake a restraining (not dead) formalism in order to liberate her wounded healers.

‘It is through you, the laity, that the Church’s mission is fulfilled by the power of the Holy Spirit.’ St. John Paul ll

Please join us as we pray for:

  1. North & South Carolina, Dean Greer – Coordinator: For new regional leadership to be identified and raised-up, for existing groups and to see new groups  established. 
  2. Aguas Vivas: Evanston, Illinois, Kerrie – Spanish Coordinator: Grace, protection and anointing as Kerri attends the CrossCurrent group at the Vineyard and runs a small group for Spanish speakers.
  3. Restored Hope Network: CCR, Michael Newman, Houston, TX: Culture clashes and more connection with other ministries. Shadow of His Wings Ministry, Lee Preston, Garden Ridge, TX: Discernment for he and his wife to determine God’s path.

“Courage for Reverend Justin Welby (Archbishop of Canterbury), that he would ensure that the Church becomes a clear fountain of transformation for persons with same-sex attraction!”


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unholy hourder

November 16, 2014: Unholy Hoarders

‘I was afraid and I went and hid my talent.’ (Matt. 25:25)

The Gospel and in particular today’s reading on the Parable of the Talents (Matt. 25: 14-30) makes it clear: freedom is only found in giving our lives away for others. Fear is the enemy of such freedom. If we doubt the gifts that we are, we lose and so does everyone else. Scripture takes it further. Keeping ourselves wrapped up in fear and self-doubt makes us stingy and miserable, deserving of the loneliness such unholy hoarding incurs.

St. John Paul ll paraphrases Jesus when he wrote his now oft-quoted line: ‘Man can only find himself through the sincere gift of himself.’ (GS 24) Our quest for clarity in any sphere—spiritually, sexually, emotionally—must involve self-giving. Pity the fearful one who stays inside, waiting to be summoned by an intrepid prince or princess. The Prince has come; He has crowned you a gift by virtue of your humanity. Discover that humanity by offering yourself to others!

That call is relevant for persons with damaged relational backgrounds. The only way we change the old set of fearful memories is by offering ourselves. We heed Prince Jesus at every turn. Eventually, we get it. Even if another does not value the gift that we are, the gift cannot be diminished. He who made us and is redeeming us reminds us moment by moment: ‘You are my beloved.’ Our mirror becomes the Creator, not the created, which frees us to risk again.

Happiness results from generous self-giving. ‘Come and share your master’s happiness’ (vs. 21, 23) says Jesus to those persons who offer themselves, over and over for others’ good. Taking our talents and investing them is especially relevant for building up Jesus’ body. I frankly have little tolerance for persons who remain stuck in ‘church-wounds’ and are quick to mutter outside her gates with the bitter throng who detest ‘religion.’

I’d rather be fruitful and happy. Instead of a betrayer, I see a beautiful, broken ‘bride’ who has been struck down but not destroyed. I shall not kick her when she’s down but seek to honor and serve her with all I can give. Jesus helps us here. He always gives us His heart for His bride! I forgive my offenders quickly. And at times I change where I worship in order to be faithful to Jesus by discerning where I can best love and serve her. She is a diverse bride who gives us many points of entry. The Church needs generous givers who will not dwell on her failures but on how she welcomes her Bridegroom beautifully.

To be sure, we must be honest about our fears. Many of us have been pierced by church-related sins that make us flinch to this day. Annette and I suffered seasons of such cruel and arbitrary rejection from churchmen that we have been tempted to bury our talents in fear. We bear the mark of such rejection and must struggle to overcome it. We shall. We want to be both happy and fruitful in our service of the bride who is making herself radiant, without spot or wrinkle. (Eph. 5:27)

‘For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.’ (Matt. 25:29)

Please join us as we pray for:

  1. Northeast Region, Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, New York, New Jersey, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Connecticut, Garry & Melissa Ingraham – Coordinators: For strength and vision for Garry & Melissa, for existing groups and to see new groups established.
  2. Aguas Vivas: Leon, Mexico, Emma – Coordinator: Grace and strength to finish their first Aguas Vivas pilot group.
  3. Restored Hope Network: Reconciliation Ministries, Dan Hitz, Roseville, MI: For new office space and start of Living Waters group. Pure Heart Ministries, Jim Venice, St. Peters, MO: personal and ministry health.

“Courage for Pastor Phil Strout (National Director Vineyard USA), that he would ensure that the Church becomes a clear fountain of transformation for persons with same-sex attraction!”


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November 15, 2014: Freedom for the Other, Part 2

‘Christian spousal love is a living icon of the sacrificial spousal love between Christ and the Church. It is an outward sign of the invisible mystery of Jesus’ love for His bride and the bride’s love for Him.’ Brant Pitre

Woman liberated my freedom to become a mature man. Period. Without arising to become bigger for one equal to me and yet profoundly different, I would have stalled in my growth. Spiritually, emotionally, sexually: I needed woman, and she needed me.

Well, one woman did. For the last 35 years, Annette has been the chief target of my affections, my prayers, my frustrations, and my pleasure. She receives the best of my self-giving and filters the brunt of my brokenness. I cannot imagine life without her. We experience the world together; though our unity is composed of two very different, strong-willed people, we have forged one grid through which we engage ‘life.’

Out of this oneness four children have emerged who now as adults are fairly skilled at navigating their own schooners and storms. They grew up as Annette and I navigated our course. Our freedom to love in light of ‘conflicts on the outside, fears within ‘(2 Cor 7:5) was the Cross. We founded our marital freedom on the One who gave all to gain us. He trained me to look to Him as the man I was becoming; He freed her to welcome Him as her sufficiency and in turn yield to this flawed icon.

The Cross made us fruitful. Like anything precious, fruit resulted from sacrifice. The Cross reminded us to deny one’s own need when the other’s was greater, be it in words or silence, deeds or blessed inaction. We were pierced for the other’s suffering. At times we were pierced by what the other could not give us, even if we needed it. Jesus’ piercing gave us a place to go when mere human love failed.

The result is mutual gratitude for the seasoned offering of the other. The Catholic Catechism says it best: ‘Christian marriage bestows on the husband and the wife a supernatural power that flows directly from the Crucifixion. This grace [of marriage] is a fruit of Christ’s Cross, the source of all life.’ (CCC 1615, 1616) The Cross granted Annette and I the freedom to offer oneself to the other, over and over again. Freedom demands godly restraints and holy provocation. The Cross supplies both.

As one who comes out of a same-sex attracted background, I am amused at persons who seek to reduce our marriage to questions of ‘attraction,’ as if it depended on the virtuosity of our bedroom gymnastics. Of course I am only grateful for the bodily love that sealed our love and created four other lives. Yet I am equally grateful, if not more, for the deeper, harder call of learning to value this other because she is worthy of value, not because of what I ‘get’ from her. Our consumer-driven quest for perfect sensual and sentimental partnership is driven by greed and results in loneliness.

Freedom rises from the love prescribed by St. John Paul ll then Karl Wojtyla. He writes: ‘Marriage is put to the test when the sensual and emotional reactions weaken…nothing remains but the value of the person. Then the inner truth of love comes to light. If that love is a true gift of self, it will not only survive the dry times but will sink deeper roots.’

Spouses who before Jesus and each other surrender their differences, their cares and needs, and their bodies, over and over, discover something essential—a love so full of meaning and purpose that it points to a Reality beyond itself. 

Please join us as we pray for:

  1. Pennsylvania, Jeff Comeaux – Coordinator: For strength and vision for Jeff, for existing groups and to see new groups established. Also, grace for preparations for RHN conference in Lancaster, 2015.
  2. Aguas Vivas: Guadalajara, Mexico, Marisol, Coordinator: For wisdom  as they meet to determine and plan for the start of the next Aguas Vivas group.
  3. Restored Hope Network: Love & Truth Network, Garry Ingraham, Endicott, NY: Grace and strength to accomplish all that is before him in ministry and personal life. GAME, Peter Anderson, New York, NY: For the Lord to bring more of those seeking discipleship and soul care, clarity regarding a possible transition to more full-time work with Game and courage to stand strong and pure in the heart of NYC.

“Courage for Reverend Justin Welby (Archbishop of Canterbury), that he would ensure that the Church becomes a clear fountain of transformation for persons with same-sex attraction!”


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