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A Christian Voice In A Changing Culture
An Open Letter to Every Man who Leaves Wife/Kids Because He is ‘Gay’

An Open Letter to Every Man who Leaves Wife/Kids Because He is ‘Gay’

Dear ____,

Bless you for finally being open about your same-sex attraction. That is a brave step and I pray that God and a faithful community will honor your confession. You have a big part to play in whether your honesty honors you and your loved ones.

What you are admitting is that you have desires that seem to conflict with loving your wife and children. That is different from assuming a ‘gay’ identity. As we are sons of the one Father, made in His image, we can agree that God sees us not as ‘homosexuals’ but as His men. He calls all men to live in right relationship with our brothers and to choose (or not) to express our sexuality in a loving bond with a particular woman and to open together to the new lives created by marital love.

Guess what? You made that choice! What best defines our sexual humanity is not our feelings but our capacity to make sound, thoughtful decisions about what we do with our sexuality. Your choice to marry and to have children defines you far more powerfully than same-sex attraction. Plus, the person you said ‘yes’ to with your body and the lives you fathered need you. Your freedom depends on it. You will never find happiness outside of your faithfulness to these relationships.

You say you hoped that marriage would resolve your same-sex attraction. It does not. In fact, it tends to highlight the many desires that conflict with being faithful to our loved ones. That is where love finds its most perfect expression. Your same-sex attraction is the tool God wants to use to teach you to love others because they are worthy of love, not because all your needs are being met. Welcome to ‘the club of men with conflicting desires’; welcome to the Cross whereby we surrender worldly dreams and mobilize for real people, real love.

I am surprised you never sought out any help for your same-sex attraction. God wants to use your ‘secret’ to cause you to grow through conflicting desires, not in spite of them. You have not exhausted the depths of the help available to you through Courage or the Restored Hope Network. The question is: will your honesty lead you to repentance or will it be an excuse to leave your loved ones for the ‘gay’ life? You are already playing victim. Don’t. You are not one. You can make choices for fidelity in the full light of your same-sex attraction.

Doubtless, many persons today will champion you ‘coming out’ as an act of bravery. Get real. If your honesty results in divorce, you act like a coward and subject your loved ones to grave injustice. St. John of the Cross said: ‘In the end, we will be judged by love.’ In light of your admitted weakness, choose love, real love and so prepare for eternity today. If you choose your ‘gay’ freedom instead, you will inflict damage on all you influence and will suffer eternal consequence.

We do not choose our desires but we choose what we do with them. Choose well friend. Please feel free to contact us at Desert Stream/Living Waters if you want to talk through your options. Don’t get lost in our cultural confusion. Last week, a new study came out that documented how gay unions in the USA have doubled in the last 25 years. Don’t be a casualty. Don’t make loved ones a casualty. I urge you to think and act and love like a Christian. Bless you friend. Hope we will hear from you.

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Fifth of 7 Prayers for Marriage: Children Need Mom and Dad

prayer-mercy‘At stake [in ‘gay marriage’] is the identity and survival of the family: father, mother and children. At stake are the lives of many children who will be discriminated against in advance, and deprived of their human development given by a father and mother and willed by God.’    Former Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio, now Pope Francis

May I implore you to join me in prayer for marriage? For children’s sake, might we pray for those making a case for marriage before the US Supreme Court next Tuesday the 25th? Those challenging Prop. 8 are taking the most aggressive stance possible by insisting on a sweeping constitutional right to ‘gay marriage.’ If they succeed, not only must CA implement ‘gay marriage’ but every state in the union must strike down its ‘marriage as male and female’ law.

Please gather with a handful of people before the 25th and pray for real justice. What matters to God and what should matter to us is the fate of children who have no voice. If ‘gay marriage’ becomes the law of the land, children will be subject to the delusion that gender makes no difference in human relating–a slap in the face to God and to the real needs of children everywhere.

Fueling this delusion is practicing gay judge Vaughn Walker who struck down Prop. 8 upon its appeal. He claims that ‘gender is neither relevant nor essential to marriage’, and ‘that it is beyond any doubt that parents’ genders are irrelevant to children’s developmental outcomes.’ Lie upon lie upon lie, poised to become the toxic ground for a new definition of marriage in the USA.

The truth: marriage is sealed by intercourse, the only way to generate kids. Kids require the fidelity of parents in order to thrive, and so marriage demands this fidelity. The marital bond insists that man and woman call each other into account for the children they have created. However imperfect, those who stay together provide for kids masculine and feminine models and faithful love.

Gay couples do neither; they exist in reaction to male/female, and the most recent study suggests that gays tend to be ‘monogamish’—‘emotionally’ bonded to one but sexually open to many.

Dr. Mark Regnerus of the Univ. of TX conducted the most extensive study yet on the effect of gay parents. In contrast to kids from normal marriages, adults raised by lesbian mothers had negative outcomes in 24 of 40 categories, while adults raised by gay fathers had negative results in 19. Not surprisingly, activists have all but lynched Regnerus and his meticulously done work. Just google his ‘New Family Structures Study’; its clarity is confounded by slander posing as science.

Listen to the story of a man reflecting on growing up with two moms:

‘Growing up in with gay parents was very difficult. To most I was a well-raised, high-achieving kid. Inside, however, I was confused. When your home life is so drastically different from everyone around you, you grow up weird. I grew up in a home so unusual that I was destined to exist as a social outcast.

My peers learned all the unwritten rules of decorum and body language in their homes; the learned both traditionally masculine and feminine social mechanisms. Even if their parents’ divorced, my peers grew up seeing male and female social models. They learned to be bold from male figures, and sensitive from female ones. These are stereotypes of course, but stereotypes come in handy when you have to leave the safety of your lesbian mom’s trailer and work and survive in a world that thinks in terms of stereotypes.

I had no male figure at all to follow, and my mom and her partner were unlike traditional mothers or fathers. As a result, I had no few recognizable social cues to offer friends of either gender. Thus I befriended people rarely and alienated others easily. Life is hard when you are strange.’ Robert Oscar Lopez

Please pray with us that the US Supreme Court will uphold marriage and refuse its counterfeits. In its gender duality and pledge to fidelity, marriage serves justice to kids and to the common good. The hour of decision is now upon us.

‘Father, please empower the entire Alliance Defending Freedom team as they make a case for marriage on March 25th. Prepare the Supreme Court to hear their case and be persuaded that it is unwise to redefine the most basic and influential social unit on earth. We pray especially for Chief Justice Roberts. Might You bless and honor him, his faith and his family? Grant him a spirit of wisdom and revelation as he weighs the evidence and guides his colleagues in the decision that is best for all US citizens, especially our children.’

 

 

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