‘Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart.’ (1P 1:22)

I love this verse: it conveys concisely how I overcame homosexuality. I did not run from my same-sex attraction; I attended to the need at the core of my same-sex attraction, which was for masculine solidarity.

My need for masculine love needed to be purified from sensual (‘I need gay sex’) and political (‘My gay self must be recognized on par with straights’) motives.

Such refinement is painful and essential. It occurs only as one surrenders his/her entire identity to Jesus Christ. In the crucible of His fiery love, we emerge with our hearts open and engaged to give good love and to secure the love we need most.

Jesus is smart. Knowing how He made us and fully intent on redeeming us, He does not often give us what we want. He gives us what we need.

For same-sex strugglers, that means securing identification and healthy intimacy with one’s own gender. Then, growing into whole-enough expressions of our own gender, we naturally proceed onto whole heterosexual relating.

‘Coming into whole heterosexuality implies fulfillment of homo-emotional needs so that same-sex attachment is no longer required to fulfill those needs.’ Dr. Elizabeth Moberly

That’s how God made us. And that’s the direction of our redemption. Obeying the truth, we purify ourselves, and discover a deep reservoir of sincere and profound love for our own gender that surpasses the mixtures driving the ‘gay self.’

Just the other day, cast down because of some necessary grief, a couple of godly powerful men came alongside of me and loved me deeply. I welcomed their friendship like rain from heaven. No ‘gay’ shadows or mixtures: just the real, unadulterated thing that comes from the truth. Jesus purifies us as we obey Him. He frees us to resume the journey of giving and getting real love.

Real love is deeper and truer than sexy counterfeits.

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