Category: Sexual Brokenness

A Christian Voice In A Changing Culture

Porn Poison

Sin makes you sick. Porn makes you sicker.

The other night, far from home, I had to alter a plane ticket in the wee hours. A couple days earlier, I had disassembled the porn filter on my computer (which I absolutely need to stay off the rot) in order to use the Internet in a foreign land. A thought inflamed my feverish little brain as I rescheduled my flight: ‘You are a free man on the Internet–explore what you will…’

All such roads go down and down. After a few minutes of surfing the slime, I was so sickened by the empty, agitated look of lust on every player that I heaved my computer onto the other side of the room and sought without success to sleep. I felt seasick, like I was rolling on board an undulating tanker. Snippets of sex opened the eyes of my heart to see a host of folks in this nightmarish home porn flick. I had not poisoned myself in a long time. The distance made me sicker.

I gave up sleep and sat upright to stop the spinning, the moral nausea. I stood alone with dirty hands and heart and recited the Mass confession—‘through my fault, my fault, my most grievous fault.’ Only mercy: Jesus waits, ever near, listening for mercy’s cry.

Of course He has members. I waited as long as I could to call my accountability folks and that helped. I told Annette and vowed to put back on the filter (I’ll take Covenant Eyes over Demon-Eyes any day). Done. In the light yes but still bearing the poison, I raced on foot to a nearly parish for Mass. The hot sun seemed to bore a hole through my compromised skin. First reading—Ezekiel 36: 25—‘I will sprinkle clean water on you and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all you impurities and all your idols.’ I did not know the priest but waited for him anyway, hoping he might hear my confession. He did and as he pronounced forgiveness he asked that God restore my eyes to behold once more the beauty of humanity.

The beauty of humanity. Wow. That’s what porn poisons—true sight of man for woman , woman for man. My vision of humanity was desecrated early on by porn, so young that I must choose daily now to see real beauty. And to praise God for it. Mercy alone liberates both. Thank you Jesus.

You need not fight alone. God has members, and some of His best are hosting an in-depth workshop for men seeking to overcome porn and other sexual behavior problems. It’s a 3-day intensive in Kansas from September 15-17th. Register at WWW.MYHOUSEKANSAS.ORG or call 8167866063.

Stop poisoning yourself; reclaim beauty.

Download PDF
Rethink Change

Rethinking Change

Today’s freedom to be whatever one thinks (s)he is, gender-wise, sheds new light on the question of homosexuality and change. If Kevin can wear a dress, use a woman’s restroom, and legally damage another for not referring to him as Karen, then a Christian’s commitment to leave behind an identity based on his or her same-sex attraction while aspiring to love a member of the opposite gender seems positively sane. Or at least possible, and at best worthy of the respect we accord all manner of gender-bending.

It also sheds light on the authority of the mind and will in determining the self we want to be. And perhaps should cause us to question the assumption that some people are just immutably, unquestionably ‘gay’.

A writer for the New York Times says it best: ‘When Everyone Can Be Queer, Is Anyone?’ (Jenna Worthen, NYT Magazine, July 12, 2016). She marvels: ‘The speed with which modern society has adapted to accommodate the world’s vast spectrum of gender and sexual identities may be the most important cultural metamorphosis of our time. Facebook, which can be seen as a kind of social census, now offers nearly 60 different gender options…Plainly we are in the midst of a profoundly exhilarating revolution.’

This translates into college students having to account for their evolving gender status. Each year, a friend’s daughter at a large state university has to declare her gender status afresh. After all, who she was as a freshman, he/zee/undecided may not be as a sophomore.

Dr. Lisa Diamond has turned homosexual research on its ear by charting the ‘sexual fluidity’ of a group of 16-23 year-old-women over the course of a decade; she found that about a third of these ‘lesbian-identified’ women changed their identity status several times over that time, and preferred to think of themselves as open to both genders.

We dignify that freedom but may well demonize one who refuses to construct a ‘gay self’ and chooses instead to love an opposite sex partner. I recall Oprah Winfrey’s horrified look when someone on her show testified to no longer being ‘gay’, now happily married. ‘But you were born that way!’ she insisted. At a recent large Catholic gathering, a ‘gay-identified’ hipster dissed my claim to change with a ‘we know that does not happen, right?’

Jenna Worthen would disagree, citing ‘old notions of static sexual identities’ as ‘austere and reductive.’ Maybe ‘Born that Way’ is another ceiling we need to shatter in order to grant all persons the freedom to live out what makes them thrive. Lady Gaga, watch out.

Download PDF
love at true sight

Love at True Sight

‘To love a person means to see him as God intended him to be.’ Dostoevsky

I knew Sara dreamt of being a man, and was trying hard to pull it off with a swagger in her trousers and loafers and men’s dress shirt. But I saw a beautiful woman. Set adrift by the failure of men in her life, she was seduced by the illusion of masculine power. Now she is the seducer, and she carries it off pretty well.

God is not fooled. Nor am I. He made her and intends for her to realize who she is as His beloved daughter. And if I am to love her well then I must line up with that reality. No matter what the culture says about gender as a fluid state of mind– every person needs to be reconciled through Christ to his or her gender birthright.

The faithful must love others in fidelity to the Creator. Especially a generation being fed the lie that gender norms are bondage and that freedom means casting off gender distinctions altogether—in the very mortal words of the now gender-free Miley Cyrus: ‘I’m just even, just equal…it’s just how I feel.’ MTV released a new ‘snap chat’ thread aimed at 12-25 year-olds that features male teens made up like slutty women with various celebs declaring ‘F…k gender norms.’ A generation needs a vision of the substance and dignity of gender.

Men and women lost in this gender jungle need empowered Christians to prayerfully insinuate themselves into their lives. Only believers in dynamic communion with Christ Creator and Redeemer possess the authority to see through the darkness and to summon what is truly good from a gender-lost generation, and in particular, to the man or woman God calls us to pursue. By ascribing gender clarity to a person, we help to restore personal dignity, which is always the glory of God in humanity.

Only eyes that see in harmony with the Creator will behold the true self; only the heart empowered by the Redeemer can persist in love until light dawns for persons living in gender disorder. Sara allowed me to pray for her. It was not hard to see her beauty and to invite her to rest in the Father’s substantial love for her. She cried a little in His Presence, that Spirit who always woos her to come home to Himself and thus her true self. Perhaps it is harder to swagger and to strive than to surrender to the One who holds us near, in all our fractured glory.

Download PDF

Annette

Love has a name. I discovered its meaning only when I chose to offer myself 35-years-ago to this person named Annette. What I thought I knew about love meant little as I bumped up against my selfishness. (I prided myself on a kind of reflective, poetic awareness of love but actually knew next to nothing about it.) In joy and especially in her tears, Annette invited me to love her because she was worth it. I wanted to do so. Though desire spurs us onto discipline, they are not the same things. I was flabby in love.

One factor (though by no means the only) involved my homosexual background. Neither God nor I was content for me to muck around all my days bowing before mirror images of myself. I was done being seduced by Narcissus– mirages of idealized masculinity that lured me only to sicken me. The challenge of conversion is that you start to worship the ONE and in so doing you catch glimpses of what is true about yourself and the rest of creation. That is good. And scary. Pieper is right; maybe we stay sick in order to shirk the responsibility of wholeness.

Annette was a real woman, whole-enough: smart and sophisticated, attuned to others, a God-seeker but bound up inside too, as if she had to earn His love. Annette was dimensional, and I tracked with her; I wanted her but I wanted her on my terms and I cannot say I ever got close enough to anyone to know their terms. Until I entered into Annette’s world. Wow. Uncharted territory: would I love the whole of her and ‘man-up’ enough to offer the ragged whole of me?

A few things helped: mutual sexual desire took a little while, as is often the case when one has SSA. The pleasure we found in each other’s bodies developed in the context of a growing relationship; the more we disclosed about our lives and trusted each other, the more we desired each other.

And Annette was easy to desire. She possessed an ease of being, an integrated gift of welcoming others into her life. I marveled at how she could open the door of her heart to persons she trusted and display a range of emotions with an immediacy that at once drew me and challenged me.

It helped to place Jesus at the center of our communion. That may have been slightly defensive on my end but in truth, Annette and I wanted Him and His will above all else. As Annette discovered more about the depth of Jesus’ love for her and welcomed His Spirit in the core areas of her life (she had a lot of fear-based problems due to childhood sexual abuse), she grew more and more beautiful to me. I realize now that marriage involves body and soul and that the enlightened soul permeates the body and makes it hot. Spirit-filled Annette turned me on.

So in fear and trembling and with great expectations, we said yes to each other. Saying yes to each other meant saying no to everyone else. By that I mean divisive things, like unhelpful advice or other lovers, real or imagined. We took the marriage bed seriously and refused to allow phantoms to insinuate themselves into the bond we shared. Yes, we talked things out, still do, but out of respect for each other and on the solid ground of trusting each other.

We share a rich legacy in ministry but deeper still is our family life. Annette is the best Mom: she has never flagged at offering herself wholly to our four kids while also giving them space to grow apart from her. We shared parenting from the start, still do—we have discovered that the task morphs but never stops. Raising kids highlights the truth that sexual love is about more than interpersonal pleasure (though for that I am grateful); God intends sex to create other lives. That is why discipline in the sexual realm is so crucial. What you make you must also tend, and what you do privately gets passed down to your kids whether they know it or not. Sex is powerful. That’s why chastity means everything to us.

As we move into our 36th year, I notice that we bicker less and accept each other more; we no longer treat misdemeanors as felonies and have dug a deeper well of mercy that we offer one other in unspoken ways. We have weathered a host of hardships together, which has seasoned and tempered our bond. Annette grows in virtue, the beauty of holiness. We do not need to ‘talk things out’ as much as before. We look at each other’s exquisitely lined faces with gratitude after 35 years of life together. We speak words of love to each other. We grow in living those words. Not too hard–I know love’s name.

Download PDF
snakes in the bathroom obama bathroom law

Snake in the Bathroom

The Obama administration has just insisted that all US public schools allow students to use whichever bathroom matches their gender identity, that is, whichever identity one is experimenting with at the moment.

Overlooking the facts of one’s biological birth, and the torturous mental health consequences for persons who deny their gender birthright, Obama now leads the world in obliterating the most basic distinction of our humanity.

Your daughter attends school where a boy who likes girl’s play has absolute freedom to insist that he be considered a girl and to follow her into the bathroom. Of course that may change; he may come to his senses and realize that he wants to be who he is. Then your daughter will have to change all over again.

The US government now decrees that your children understand gender as fluid, a state of mind, with no necessary connection to our biological selves. For people of faith, that is idolatry, the creature raising itself above the Creator. For people who value the social sciences, that is psychological nihilism: we harm children by not reinforcing the value of their gender selves.

Secure upon the foundation of our male or femaleness, we can grow into the unique men and women we are, free to exhibit a range of gifts and aptitudes that defy gender stereotyping. But we damage the core of our sons and daughters by letting them tell us whether they are sons or daughters.

Obama and company now consider granting fragile children and their clueless parents that freedom. They consider gender fluidity to be another great step forward for human rights.

Tell that to my friend Daniel who was advised by his high school counselor to embrace his gender fluidity. Identifying as a woman and winning awards in drag pageants, he witnessed among ‘trans’ peers the ravages of implants, estrogen shots, and seductive exaggerated feminine behavior. The fantasy of becoming the other gender was in truth a death wish. And isn’t that the end of all deception, to destroy human dignity?

Deceived by the belief that he is protecting human dignity, Obama obliterates it.

Download PDF
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox

Join other followers: