Many exist in the church and outside of it who experience unwanted same-sex attractions. These are men and women like me. For reasons we understand and do not, we have historically felt inclined toward our own gender. By the grace of God and out of reverence for Him, we have sought to overcome those inclinations. We now take our places as part of God’s evident design for His human creation: humanity as male and female.
For us, the reality of same-sex attraction is neither a right nor an identity or a lifestyle. It is disorder. It is a distortion of an otherwise normal need for same-sex love and attention. We steward our need for that love in proper non-sexual ways while seeking to love the opposite gender well as fellow image-bearers.
Desires do not define us; God’s evident design in creation does. And what God wills, He enables. We cast ourselves upon His grace constantly in our effort to love well. According to His definition, not ours.
We recognize instantly the wisdom of men like Robert Gagnon who define homosexuality in terms of its inherent narcissism—fixating upon our own gender along the good hard road to sexual wholeness.
He writes: “By definition, homosexual desire is sexual narcissism. There is a recognition that one desires in another what one already is and has as a sexual being…The modern word ‘homosexual’–from the Greek ‘homois’ or ‘same’–underscores this self-evident desire for the essential sexual self shared in common with one’s partner…Such a desire is really a form of self-delusion. We are gender beings by virtue of our gender, not due to possessing some social construct of gender. We need not seek completion in ‘sameness’. We must come to terms with our own essential gender.”
For us, the witness of whole marriages (and the state’s upholding of what true marriage is!) is a blessing. It encourages our journey onward to gender self-acceptance and recognizing the other gender as a needed counterpart.
I recall early on in my journey sitting in church and watching a young couple tending to their child. They cared for each other and the baby beautifully. It is as if I awoke to the beauty of God’s design and began to long for that—not merely as an ideal but as a personal goal. At that time, I also began to see the strength of my parents’ marriage; it too became a source of inspiration to me.
Whole marriages—defined and rewarded by the state—are God’s justice to those with unwanted same-sex desires. Honor marriage for the good of all. Vote YES on Prop. 8.
“Father, open our eyes to the powerful witness of marriage for those dealing with unwanted same-sex attraction. Thank you for the grace to resume the journey.”